Choice part 2 – choice vs. decision – affecting your sales and life mindset

The online dictionary defines CHOICE as the act of choosing.  It defines CHOOSE as to select freely and after consideration.

That same dictionary defines DECISION as: the act of deciding, and DECIDE as: to make a final choice or judgment about; to infer on the basis of evidence: conclude.

You may be thinking those are very similar.  In fact, most of us use those words virtually interchangeably, like “fat chance” and “slim chance”, which, somehow, oddly mean the same thing.

We typically do that with many words, use them interchangeably.  For example, it’s common practice to use the words “hysterical” and “hilarious” when describing something as funny.  Yet, most dictionaries define hysterical as a psychoneurosis with behavior exhibiting emotional fear and sensory disturbances.  That doesn’t sound very funny, does it?  Yet, it’s accepted.

Now, the words CHOICE (to choose) and DECISION (to decide) are really very different.

Based on the definition, if you CHOOSE something, you are choosing it freely and you take responsibility for the choice you made, whether it’s good or bad.  You make your considerations, and in the end you choose “freely.”  In other words, it’s all on you.  You made the choice.

CHOICE is about commitment; your commitment.  It’s definitely not about excuses.  More on excuses later.

Based on the definition, if you DECIDE on something, you judge and infer on the basis of the evidence in front of you, and you conclude (i.e. make your decision) based on that evidence.

In other words, you use the evidence as your excuse for making your decision.  And if the you-know-what hits the fan, the evidence, your excuse or justification is the first thing you point to when justifying.

When you DECIDE, there is no personal responsibility.  And whether you want it or not, whether you think it’s worth it or not…being responsible goes a long, long way to your success in sales and in life.  Studies have shown, the level of personal responsibility you’re willing to take correlates to the level of success you have in business and how good your relationships are in your life.

That’s pretty deep, so let me dial it down into real world examples.

Let’s say you and your friend/date/spouse/significant other are going to see a movie, and you, for whatever reason, are in charge of picking the movie.  Depending on the theater you will typically have a bunch of choices.  So, then you consider all the movies and pick one.  You both watch the movie, and the other person thinks it was terrible and asks you why in world you picked that movie.

If you CHOSE, you’re reply would be somewhere along the lines of, “I’m sorry you didn’t like it.  I simply wanted to see it.”  Or, “I’m sorry you didn’t like it.  I wanted you to see it.”

If you DECIDED, as most of us do, you would typically reply with some sort of excuse, based on your reasons for picking the movie like, “The reviews said it was good.”  Or, “Sally/Bob said it was good.”

I know that sounds nit-picky, and the difference is so subtle.  In fact, most people would accept you saying, “…it got good reviews,” because we’re so used to justifications, reasons and excuses.

Think about this:  you show up 10 minutes late to an appointment.  What do you tell the client?

99.9% of the people reading this (and that could be you) will justify, reason and give an excuse like “there was a lot of traffic.”  And a very large percentage will lie as in, “my earlier appointment ran late because the client was late.”

I’ve said this before in a previous post: we function as if a broken promise/commitment with a really good excuse equals a promise kept.  Bull****.  It’s only a promise kept in your mind.  You’re a complete moron if you think that client believes you.  Guaranteed you’ve lost points for being late AND for making up an excuse.

What you’re actually saying, without words, is, “I CHOSE not to manage my time with regards to you and our appointment.”

Hey, the truth is, if you weren’t running around from place to place, not managing your schedule, you could have left with enough time to factor in potential traffic.  Or, if you weren’t lying and you really had a client show up late, you could have either called this client to let them know you might be late, or told the previous client you have another appointment and you’ll either have to cut them short or reschedule them (Horrors, Scott!  Tell a client who has no respect for my schedule that I have to shorten or reschedule their appointment?  What if they get mad at me?  I’d rather them do whatever they want to me in hopes of a sale rather than ask them to respect mine and my other clients’ time!).

Actually, anytime you’re running late, communication is the key.  Calling ahead goes a long way, as long as there are no excuses.  You can still tell them about the traffic, however you also need to take responsibility for it.  “Mr. and Mrs. Smith?  Hi, it’s Scott Friedman.  Let me apologize.  I got a late start, and now I’m stuck in traffic.  It looks like I’ll be 10-15 minutes late.  Is that okay for you, or would it be more convenient for you to reschedule?”

In that example, I took responsibility for being late, specifically told them how late I was going to be and asked if it was okay or would they like to reschedule.  The only person who would ever reschedule after that would be someone who legitimately had another commitment very shortly thereafter.  I promise you will never lose that appointment if you talk like that.

I personally never even mentioned the traffic unless they asked.  I used to just tell them I was running late, along with the responsibilty, apology and option to reschedule.

The bottom line is that we always seem to look for excuses as to why we did or didn’t something.  When something goes wrong, it’s not our fault.  When something comes back to bite us, it’s not our fault.

Have you ever agreed to be somewhere you didn’t really want to be, or agree to do something you really didn’t want to do?  You’ll have a horrible time, and it’ll show.  The other person/people involved will ask you what’s wrong and you’ll lie.  Eventually they’ll call you out on your behavior and you’ll typically fire of some version of, “I’m only here because you asked me to be here.”

Again, I say bull****.  You were the one who CHOSE to show up, or do it.  Don’t blame the person who asked you.  They invited you.  You have free will to say yes or no.  If you say yes, then gosh darn it, be there as if you CHOSE it, as if you’re committed to it!

Have you ever been on the phone with someone, and you can actually hear they’re checking their email?  You can just tell they’re not paying attention to you (Yes, I know, this is the world of multi-tasking, and, “Scott, you don’t know how busy my day is.  I have to do everything at once.”  Well, if that’s what you would say, then first let me know that you have a lot of sales to show for how busy you are, and once we establish that, we need to get you an assistant to handle a lot of your busy work).

When it comes to communicating, even though you think you can talk, text, email and smoke signal at the same time, you really can’t do it very well.  You’re not giving the people you’re communicating with your full attention.  And they know it, especially in person or on the phone.

Tell the person on the phone you need to get off the phone, or hold your email until the conversation is over.

Just CHOOSE to.  It’s that simple.

Bottom line is take responsibilty for your choices.  Stop making them decisions by justifying and blaming other things and people.

If you haven’t done the Landmark Forum, sign up as quickly as possible for the ride of your life.  I mention it because Landmark Education does an incredible job of illustrating the difference between CHOICES and DECISIONS, and how powerful that difference is, among many other amazing things.

As always, feel free to sign up and comment!

Scott Friedman

scott@yourethedifference.com

www.yourethedifference.com