Fear is such a powerful thing. Yet, it’s really not a thing. It’s something that’s made up. In many cases our fears are made up based on something that happened in our past. Our minds will do some really crazy things to try and make sure it doesn’t happen again and that we’re protected from everything.
Fear stops us in our tracks and propels us forward to great things. It’s neither good nor bad, it just is. Fear comes up all day everyday for us in thousands of different ways. Fear is something every human being in the Universe experiences, yet many times we allow ourselves to believe this could only happen to me, why me, how could this happen to me? Or, what’s worse we don’t acknowledge our fears as fears. We cover them up with other things to pretend we aren’t afraid.
We cover up fear with our ego’s, by busying ourselves, by eating, not eating, exercising obsessively or not at all, being workaholics, alcohol, drugs, and the list could go on and on.
Fear is used in positive ways in many cases. Fear of losing everything creates enormous success for many. I know this because I created my empire from fear. I was scared to death of not being financially secure. Growing up my family was middle class to well off. When I was about 12 my dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease that took his life 6 years later, just after I graduated from High school.
My parents had the big house, the BMW’s, nice vacations, and plenty of money in the bank until the last year or two when he fell really ill. By the time he passed they were in the process of having to file bankruptcy because he hadn’t been able to work. I decided then I never wanted that to happen to me, so I better work really hard to make lots of money in case I get sick. I went to work like a hamster in a wheel. Going, going, going, and going.
It made me highly successful in a fairly short period of time but along the way it created enormous stress, anxiety, and for many years, unhappiness for me. It took me to the emergency room on two occasions where I thought I was having a stroke or heart attack only to learn it was anxiety. After having a business coach for fifteen years I hired a personal life coach. I was committed to finding a different way to being successful other than grinding it out every single day.
After four years of coaching with him, and lots of work on myself, I transformed my life and my business to a whole new world. My passion is to share my story, share what I’ve learned, and support others to an easier path than the grind. There is another way. Instead of coming from fear, have to, should, and other’s expectations of us, we can create a life of our choosing. Our success and happiness largely depends on who we’re being, not necessarily what we do. People will buy into YOU, thus the reason for our company name, You’re The Difference.
Through years and endless hours of research, study, coaching, and being coached, I’ve discovered that fear is something that occurs in all facets of our lives and those around us. Make a point to notice your fears for one whole day. Take a notepad with you and each time fear comes up for you, make note of it. I bet you’ll be amazed and how often it shows up.
What should I say when I call? What if they hang up on me? What if I don’t get the listing? What if they don’t like my price? Does my outfit look professional? What if other agents don’t like me? What if they ask me to cut my commission? What if they give me lots of objections? What if they hang up on me? And the list could go on and on in real estate.
In social situations we all experience fear on some level as well. Will they like me? Will I fit in? Am I the same or different? Will I play as good as him? Will they laugh or make fun of me? Not to even mention public speaking that creates all kinds of crazy fears!These types of fears are easily overcome by choice. Choose what you focus on and think about. Try focusing on other people. Get interested in them. Ask questions about their life and what they’re up to. This works in social situations and also in business. The more questions you ask, the more engaged the other person will be with you and the more in control of the conversation you’ll be.
Get interested in others and watch magic occur in your life and in your business. People love to talk about themselves and their life so step back and allow them to. They’ll walk away loving you because you allowed them to be heard. Some of human beings most sought after rewards in life are acceptance and acknowledgement. Give that as a gift to others as often as you can, every single day.
Practice straight communication. If you’re afraid your buyer is going to buy from another agent, have the conversation with them. The more you communicate the less fear and anxiety you’ll have in all areas of life. Say what you mean in a straight way instead of making up excuses or pretending what’s there for you doesn’t exist.
We act like crazy people sometimes just to avoid being vulnerable or taking risks with others. Stop this, because we’re all out here in the world doing exactly the same thing to protect ourselves. And, we’re ALL human beings, even those that you don’t think could possibly be human ARE!
Recently my son developed a fear of going to sleep, of the dark, and of being alone. Bedtime quickly out of no where, became a frightful event for him. He actually cried each night before falling asleep. Once finally asleep, many nights he woke up in the middle of the night scared to be awake and alone while everyone else was sleeping and he’d come get me crying that he couldn’t go back to sleep.
Around 8:00 each night he became sad because he knew bedtime was coming. One night we left baseball practice where he had a blast, was happy as could be. On the way home in the car tears came streaming down his face. “Mom, what if I can’t sleep tonight?” It broke my heart. He didn’t recognize or understand his fear right off and was embarrassed and ashamed of it. He made up excuses for it. Mom, my legs hurt and I can’t sleep. Mom, my stomach hurts. Mom, it’s too cold, it’s too hot. He’s 11 years old, so not a small child.
After a few weeks of allowing him to experience the fear and being with it I began coaching him out of it. I did research and showed him how he wasn’t different and that there are thousands of kids his age with the same fear. I researched tons of different ways families handled this type of fear.
I have been coaching him his entire life on how he is not his mind and that he is not his fears. I’ve shown him through example with his own experiences how he has a choice. Up to this point he had been able to powerfully manage his fears. He gave speeches with no problems, made new friends, did karate tournaments where he was in front of large crowds and singled out, rode roller coasters in spite of his fear and many other things. This one affected him much more and it reminded me of just how much fear can impact our lives, our well being, and the lives of others around us. It can be absolutely profound in both good and bad ways.
It can be the difference in succeeding and not succeeding, happiness and unhappiness, love, joy, peace and freedom vs worry, stress, confinement, and in many cases isolation.
Fear is illogical in many cases and can’t be reasoned away. We have to simply choose to overlook our fears and move forward anyway. Tony Robbins has proven in his seminars that it’s totally possible to overcome your fears by people doing the fire walk. Start with simple exercises with yourself to overcome small fears and then begin taking on your larger fears. See how often you can push yourself over the edge of fear.
I remember my coach once telling me, “Christy, once you step of the edge, the possibility is endless and it’s beautiful over here on this side”. It took me a few years but I finally took that leap and it transformed my entire life. I stopped buying into my minds bs for lack of a better word. I stopped allowing my mind and fear to control what I did. I began making choices from my commitments vs. from my fears.
Recently when training for a marathon my mind went all over the place. You’ll never finish, you’re not a runner, you’re not as fast as her, it’s too much time, too much training, it’ll hurt, why bother, who cares if you run a marathon.
When running for hours and miles and miles, believe me your mind goes all over the place. My running coaches and mentors helped me through this. In the end, it was a choice. It’s a conscious effort. I had to take it one step at a time and be very present with my thoughts. Its one mile at a time, one training run at a time. I had to manage my thoughts, choose them, and keep them active in order to avoid giving up. Fear and mindset could’ve been the difference in my finishing a marathon or not.
It stops some from going to the gym and getting in shape. “I’m too fat, I’m not in shape, what if people will look at me?”. It can be the difference in health and illness.
I know I’ve rambled a bit here about the different ways and areas fear shows up for us. But, I want you to notice how much a part of our life it is so you can choose to be aware of it and make choices from another place. If you can manage your fears you’ll be empowered and enabled to experience the life of your choosing vs a life that just occurs.
Part of overcoming our fears is having knowledge, support, examples, a plan, and accountability to continue managing it. If any of this resonates with you and you have fears in your life and your business that you’d like support in overcoming, I’d love to share and support you.
I’ve coached hundreds of agents through their fears of prospecting, presenting, handling objections, competing with other agents, running their office with efficiency and organization, growing their business to the next level and having balance between real estate and life. How to sell, how to live, and experiencing a life of your choice is something you CAN have. Whether it’s another coach, mentor, or me, find someone who’s been where you want to go and learn from them.
To overcome your fears of the objections and questions you may face in your real estate business, please check out our real estate objection handler book, Now What Do I Say? A collection of over 400 answers to more than 70 of the most common questions and objections we face in real estate. You can purchase it from our website at www.yourethedifference.com. We offer it in published format, E book, and on an audio program so you can not only learn WHAT to say but also HOW to say it to be most effective.
“Christy Crouch is the co-founder of You’re The Difference Sales & Life Coaching, co-author of the highly acclaimed real estate objection handler book, Now What Do I Say? A collection of more than 400 answers to over 70 of the most common questions and objections faced in the real estate industry. She is still an active agent in Virginia, has participated in closing thousands of transactions in her career, and was inducted in the RE/MAX Hall of Fame for her production. Christy is in the top 2.3% of her marketplace. Her goal is to share what she’s learned with other agents to support them in having a highly successful real estate sales business while having a happy and balanced life. To learn more about her coaching and products please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website at www.yourethedifference.com”