In my last blog post, I went over the words I coached my partner, Christy Crouch, to commit to removing from her vocabulary.
For the detailed explanations of each word, please look back to my previous blog titled Sticks and Stones.
The general reasoning, however, was that each word sapped Christy of her power. They made sales, objection handling, her business and life in general more of a struggle than it needed to be. Using those words, both verbally and in her thoughts, caused Christy to be frustrated, upset…and generally have more stress in her life and business.
And, I pointed out that everyone (including me) would do well to commit to removing those words, which are, again, Should/Shouldn’t, Why?, How?, What if?, Because (and I added Since).
And again, I say that you’re never going to completely remove them from your vocabulary. In fact, on some occasions, some of those words can be used on purpose for sales and objection handling. What I wanted to create in Christy’s mind (and yours, and mine) was an awareness about what those words do. That way, she (we) can choose whether or not to use those words, based on what affect she wants to have on herself and others.
Now, to continue, here are the other words I added to the list when writing my last blog, and the explanations as to the reasoning behind committing to remove them, too. They are, Try, Hard, All, and But
1. Try – This one’s pretty easy to explain, and you probably already understand. Just in case you don’t, I’ll paraphrase wise old Jedi, Yoda: there is no try, only do or not do.
Telling yourself and others that you’ll try to do something is basically saying, “I don’t really think I can do this,” or, “I don’t really want to do this,” or, “I’m afraid of how I’ll look if I fail,” or, “I think I’m going to fail and want to let you know ahead of time,” or something similar.
There is no commitment to you or anyone when you say you’ll try to do something. And, it’s your ego’s built in safety net. If you don’t do what you said you would, that’s okay because you only said you’d try.
If you’re in real estate sales and a seller says, “I know you can’t guarantee the sale, however I want you to do your very best to get this home sold,” and you say, “I’ll try,” do you think that will make them feel more or less confident in choosing you?
2. Hard – I’m not talking about describing something physical, like, “See this wall, it’s hard as nails!” I’m talking using this word to describe tasks, and things in your life and business. Difficult things. In that light, I’m going to add Difficult to this list, since it’s the same thing.
Describing something as hard (e.g, hard work, this is going to be hard to do, etc.) is simply an opinion. And, from my last blog about the words Should/Shouldn’t, you may remember that I said our opinions are a big sense of stress, upset and frustration for us.
When thinking a task is going to be hare or difficult, you are pre-supposing something in the future that’s not necessarily true, and setting yourself up for failure without even starting. Hard or Difficult fit very nicely with Try.
“I’ll try, but it’s going to be really difficult!”
3. All – Again, there are many different ways to use the word all. If someone asks you how many you want, and you want all of them, it’s perfectly fine to say “All of them!”
What I’m referring to is use of the word all to over-describe things. Other words like this are Everyone and Everybody.
“All FSBO’s are mean.” Really? Every single one of them on the planet?
“Everybody says…” Come on…all 7 billion people on the planet?
These words over generalize, and allow us to form opinions that are not true. The problem is we’ll function as if they are true. In one of the above examples, if all For Sale By Owners are in fact mean, that would mean that virtually none of them would ever list (and sell) with an agent. Since that’s now true for you, you won’t call them…ever…which will make the whole thing true, meaning you’ll never list a FSBO.
If you’re okay with that, then great. However, anyone doing more than 5-10 deals a year will tell you FSBO’s are a large source of business.
4. But – Right off the bat, I will say there is a specific NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) objection handling language pattern where you purposely use the word But.
I’m talking about our usual use of the word, which is typically a justification or qualification.
“I like you, but…”
When we use the word But, we negate everything we said/thought before the word. People only hear what comes after that word, so in effect we’re perceived as lying about what we said before the word But.
Remember, in my earlier example, “I’ll try, but it’s going to be difficult.” Basically, what’s being conveyed, and perceived is that you won’t really try at all. You’ve justified how you won’t succeed and you’re not really interested in doing it Because it’ll be Hard.
Hopefully, you see how these words can have an effect on you and others. Again, you’re not going to completely remove them. You will, however, create an awareness as to what they mean, and end up using them only when you purposely mean to.
And, don’t beat yourself up when you catch yourself using a word from the two lists. Simply acknowledge yourself for being aware of how you speak and think, and how powerful you can be…if you choose to!