Last post I talked about how we play the victim in our lives, relationships, business, etc. And, it’s quite possible that the little voice in your head is saying some pretty nasty things about me because of it.
“I’m not playing the victim!” “Who does he think he is, telling me what I’m doing in my life?”
And many more possible thoughts.
I’m going to assume you already know that is victim speak, and you should pay no attention to those thoughts.
Let’s move to responsibility.
Here’s what responsibility is NOT: blame, credit, duty, obligation, chores, things to do.
Here’s what responsibility is: a stand, or place to come from, a committment, and abstract theme.
Being responsible in your life is about taking ownership for what happened in the past, and what is currently in your world in the present.
Taking ownership means realizing that the things that happened to you happened, and now it’s the past…and what’s going on right now is because of what you thought, what you said, or what you did…but not in a bad way.
In other words, if you lose a sale, it’s real easy to blame the client. That makes you feel better about yourself, etc. The responsible person looks inside oneself to see how he/she may have caused the client to bail on the deal (before I go further, I want to say that’s a great practice as a salesperson, because it helps you learn from your mistakes).
The thing about it is that it may not be true, but if you look at yourself as the cause of all situations, without blaming yourself, or beating yourself up, then you become a very powerful person.
Did you cause yourself to get sick? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s a hell of lot more powerful, and easier to heal when you take responsibility for being sick, instead of playing the victim. “Woah is me. Why did I have to get sick?”
Did you cause the client to bail? Could be. Possibly not. But the negative energy you carry around blaming the client is bad in and of itself, let alone it’s a very whiny place to come from. And it’s not very powerful.
Remember, being the victim means blaming everyone and everything else for your problems. Maybe the client got a bad vibe from something you said or did, and didn’t want to confront you by saying they no longer trusted you.
Bottom line: responsibility is moving foward. If you’re responsible, you’re not interested in credit or blame.
Confused? I told you it’s abstract. In theory, how can you be 100% responsible for how another person or thing acts? Technically you can’t. You certainly can’t control someone or something (try as you may!).
But if you took on the stance, as an idea, as a committment, as a way of being, that you were going to be responsibile for leaving everyone you come in contact with feeling happy, you would act a different way, say different things. You would BE different. Hmmm…and we named our company, You’re The Difference…funny how that worked out.
Be responsible for what’s in your life. It may not be true, but it’s the more powerful place to come from.
Just think about sports. When someone makes a bad play, or loses the game, who do you like better…
The athelete who blames his quarterback, says the sun was in his eyes, blames the refs…OR
The athelete who says we lost because I played bad?
Personally, I find it very refreshing when an athelete takes responsibility for himself and his whole team.
And the people in your life, clients, loved ones, etc., will find you refreshing when you take responsibility for you and your life.